Are you a victim, villain, or hero?

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I work with a lot of founders—most of whom run their own company, some of whom run organizations inside giant tech companies. There is a trap I see them all fall into when things get tough (I fall for to it, too—we all do!).

Your team is growing. You don't see the results you expect from otherwise smart, high-performers you've hired or promoted.

And when performance suffers, you do what you do best: roll your sleeves up and try to fix things.

Fix the person.

Fix the team.

Fix the situation.

But nothing helps. Or nothing sticks.

And more likely, you make things worse.

Founders are especially susceptible to this dynamic because they are by nature excellent problem-solvers. It's how they had an amazing career as a product manager, creative, or engineer. And it's how and why they started their company—to solve a problem that needs to be solved.

But the worse things get, the more you fix. The more you blame. And eventually, you retreat and sulk. And start over again.

And also, EVERYONE WANTS YOU OUT OF THEIR BUSINESS and doing your actual job anyway (see below 👇).

And so it goes...

There is a better way.

An incredibly useful model for assessing and getting out of this trap is what Stephen B. Karpman calls The Drama Triangle.

According to Karpman, there are three common roles we all slip into when we’re in challenging situations:

👉 Victim

👉 Persecutor

👉 Rescuer

These are sometimes referred to as Victim, Villain, and Hero (though not the helpful kind I wrote about in my new book, The Leader's Journey).

When you embody any of these roles (often cycling between them), you end up perpetuating conflict rather than mitigating it.

The antidote to the Drama Triangle is David Emerald's The Empowerment Dynamic.

Because I see this so often, I packaged it up into a cheatsheet and added it to my Story Driven Leadership Toolkit for my clients to reference next time they get stuck. Like everything in my toolkit, it's publicly available. No strings attached.

How to use it

Next time you find yourself stuck in a perpetual cycle of conflict and irresolution, here’s what to do:

🧐 Notice which role(s) you are embodying. Are you a Victim, Perpetrator, or Victim? All of the above? Give yourself a pat on the back. It’s happens! You’re human.

💡 Once you calm down, you might spark insights and actions that will get you out of your cycle. If not, you’re “below the line” and should move on to:

🚀 Imagine how you might fly back up to get into either Coach, Challenger, or Creator mode.

For that you need to be clear on your vision, mission, and goals. I've got lots more on that in The Leader's Journey, as well.

In other words, help others see what they can't see, ask good questions, remind them of why they joined you in the first place.

It works for others and it can work for you when you get stuck in your own internal Drama Triangle.

If you built your career and business on your ability to create impossible futures, you already know how to do this: Imagine, motivate, create.

You've got this.

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A version of this originally appeared in my newsletter. Subscribe now.