Make Your Mentors
The most successful leaders on the planet didn’t get there alone. They had mentors help them along their journey. Mentors are a key ingredient towards making an impact as a leader. But have you asked someone to mentor you only to receive a cool, regretful, or non-response?
Stop.
People are busy. As much as they might want to help, they don’t always have the time or energy to help.
I believe that the best mentors aren't requested or assigned by your investors, boss, or mentorship program. The best mentors are made.
Something that I learned working for myself that also made my full time jobs better is how to create co-workers and make mentors. Curate you who want to hang out with, support, and learn from. Work isn't a solitary exercise. Having people to "co" with makes everything better.
Here’s how.
Be a good human
Years ago, I asked someone I admired to mentor me. Her answer: I'm busy. I was devastated. Years later, we reconnected. I had since made many mentors, so I knew what to do:
Help. Be of service. Don’t ask if you can help. Ask how you can help.
Be curious. Ask questions. Believe it or not, people love to be heard. It’s a great way to connect with people…especially if you’re a little bit shy like I am.
Do nice things without asking for permission. Made drinks/meals happen. Give gifts, if that’s your thing. The trick is that this has to come from the heart. If not. stop. Just stop. In fact, all of this has to come from the heart. If it doesn’t, you’re trying to woo the wrong person.
Be a connector. The stronger the ties in your network, the stronger your network.
The person I mention above is now a a friend…and mentor who I can call on when I have questions or need advice. She’s also a sponsor who promotes me when people are looking for a kickass leadership coach, facilitator, or keynote speaker. She probably doesn’t think of herself as a mentor or sponsor, but I thank her and let her know how much I appreciate having her in my life.
Often.
Schedule weekly 1:1s
If you have shared goals, like writing a book, weekly 1:1s can be an excellent way to help—and get help from someone you admire. All you have to do is ask. These check-ins can be weekly hellos. Or they can be focused check-ins.
It felt weird to ask at first, but I've been having these 1:1s with a rotating cast of colleagues who are now good friends—and mentors—for years. We’ve written books. Built companies. We talk work, life, dreams, frustrations, all of it.
Form a mastermind
If you're feeling super ambitious, form or join a mastermind group with other superheroes like you. Make sure this group has people who you can not just learn from, but also teach.
You grow most as a human when you learn and teach.
Even super busy people are keen to join a mastermind when they get value out of it. So reach out to people you admire! They just might say yes.
Attend conferences and workshops
This is not for everyone, but if you’re up for it, attend or speak at conferences. This is where I connect with and make new friends—many of whom become mentors.
I'm too shy to befriend strangers, so when I attend (these days I’m more likely to speak than attend) I ask friends if they or anyone they know will be in attendance. I then meet that person and hang out with them 1:1 before I’m ready to brave groups.
I've made many new friends this way. And…of course, mentors.
Be a mentor.
That’s right. Find someone more junior and mentor them. Through mentoring, you’ll not only realize how much you know (thereby solidifying your own learning loop that’s essential for your brain to grow…more on that another time…), you’ll also create a wonderful human who can probably someday mentor you. Win win for everyone.
Plus, it feels good to help someone. All of this should feel good. If it ever doesn’t, stop. You won’t put value or goodness into the world and sure as hell won’t receive it in return. Either find people who bring you joy and to whom you can bring joy…or wait until you’re ready to engage with humans. It’s not always the right time to be social. And that’s OK.
A note for introverts
If you're an introvert, like me, make sure you also build in blocks of quiet/alone time into your schedule to balance all of this socializing and co-ing with people.
You're not a social butterfly. Believe me, I know.
Some mentors, you might hang out with a few times a year. Or just over email. Others, you might see weekly, 1:1 or in groups. Others only at conferences. Over time, you’ll find a balance of who you see when, where, and how frequently that suits you best.
And if you’re pursuing conferences, limit how many conferences you attend each year or month (everyone's threshold is different— find yours). Guard your on-site alone time/energy when you’re at conferences. Every hotel TV in the US (France, too, but it’s overdubbed) has Law and Order on between 8-10pm. That's where you'll find me at the end of the day.
And if you’re attending online conferences, turn off your camera when you need some space and take lots of walking breaks! In fact, even if you’re not an introvert, I recommend doing that to stay sane online.
So…Who do you want to bring along on your journey?
Who do you admire? Who do you want to learn from? Who do you want to help? Teach? Grow with?
Be of service.
Be curious.
Be awesome.
Be you.
Give and you shall receive.
And you’ll likely create wonderful friends in the process. I promise. Making mentors works.
